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Wonderful and Clever Reply to Insults

 A wise man is superior to any insults which can be put upon him, and the best reply to unseemly behavior is patience and moderation.

      - Moliere

We’ve all been the target of real insulting comments, it's hurtful and confusing. There are insult wrapped within a compliment, simple insults with clear meaning and intent, and misinterpreted compliments.  ''We can only be insulted if we, to some extent, believe the insult.''

Some people insult in order to feel better about themselves, in other cases, insults come from people who don't like anyone different. 

Here are some witty replies of my favorites:
Young Actress: "Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we got married and had a child with my beauty and your brains?"
Bernard Shaw:  ‘My dear, that would be wonderful indeed, but what if our child had my beauty and your brains?’
Bessie Braddock: "Winston, you’re drunk!”
Winston Churchill: “You’re right Bessie, and you’re ugly. But tomorrow morning, I’ll be sober.”
–William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway): “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
—Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner): "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
Lady Astor: “Winston, if you were my husband, I’d put poison in your coffee.” 
Winston Churchill: “Nancy, if you were my wife I’d drink it.”
Reporter: Were you not under dressed for your meeting with the king? 
Gandhi: 'The King had enough on for both of us'
When playwright George Bernard Shaw  invites Churchill to the opening performance of a show, he added a note to the invitation: “Bring a friend, if you have one.”
Churchill replied that he was engaged that night, but added, “Please send tickets to the second performance, if there is one!”
Leonard: I did a bad thing.
Sheldon: Does it affect me?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Then suffer in silence.
Person: Stop overthinking so much!
Genius: I’ll stop overthinking when you start thinking.
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
      –Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
      –Clarence Darrow

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”
      –Stephen Bishop

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
      –Oscar Wilde

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
      –Moses Hadas

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
      –Billy Wilder

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
      –Oscar Wilde

Awesomely Good Clever Comebacks for Every Occasion:

  •  "Are you having a bad day?"
  • "ok" or "No, thank you"
  • "I don't care what everyone else says. I don't think you're that bad."
  • "You don’t really expect me to answer that, do you?"
  • "I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are." 
  •  "Well, I think we’ve reached the end of this conversation."
  • Keep talking. Someday, you might actually say something intelligent.
  • I don’t think you’re stupid. You just have bad luck at thinking.
  •  I’m jealous of people who don’t know you.
  •  You look tired. Have you been thinking?

Let me know your opinion. Add your comment here.

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